Silence or violence: How do you manage difficult conversations?

I've just started reading Crucial Conversations - a wonderful book for anyone hoping to improve their people skills.

Early in the book, the authors discuss how different people react to difficult conversations, and in particular how we often revert to 'flight or fight' instincts, which in this context they describe as silence and violence.

There's a handy self test in the book to identify your own 'style under stress' which is also available online. I wasn't surprised at my low score for 'violence', but I discovered that I'm inclined towards silence much more than I had realised, meaning that I sometimes avoid or withdraw from difficult conversations. It was surprising because I'm certainly not known for being the shy, retiring type. Perhaps that's not the same thing. If you take the test, add a comment and let me know how you scored.

I'll post up a book review once I'm finished with it. From what I've read so far I'm sure it's going to be a good one.

Comments

[Alex Farran]

Here's the full breakdown. I've tried to be honest with my replies. The 'Crucial Converstations Skills' is more interesting than the 'Silence or Violence' scores. It's an even split between high and low scores. I'm guessing at the meaning of the skills, but it appears to say that I'm good at stating my case, but bad at listening to others (or good at ignoring them!). Doesn't sound too far from the truth. What do you think? Any surprises in my scores?

Silence
Masking 1
Avoiding 0
Withdrawing 2
Silence Total 3

Violence
Controlling 1
Labeling 1
Attacking 0
Violence Total 2

Crucial Conversations Skills
Start With Heart 2
Learn To Look 1
Make It Safe 3
Master My Stories 3
STATE My Path 3
Explore Others Paths 1
Move To Action 1

[Anna]

I'm not surprised by my style under stress scores (slight avoiding and withdrawing and complete adversity to aggression)

I do wander if I answered some of the questions in terms of how I would hope I'd behave (or strive to behave), and also I think I might have answered slightly differently (if i was being completely honest) if I was considering a different relationship context to a 'Coworker'

My Style Under Stress™ Scores

Silence
Masking 0
Avoiding 1
Withdrawing 1
Silence Total 2

Violence
Controlling 0
Labeling 0
Attacking 0
Violence Total 0

Crucial Conversations Skills
Start With Heart 3
Learn To Look 3
Make It Safe 3
Master My Stories 3
STATE My Path 3
Explore Others Paths 3
Move To Action 2